It’s crucial to understand that when you or your team members take things personally in the workplace, it can be detrimental to team culture and career progression. Not only can it come off as defensive, but it could also demonstrate a lack of confidence or inability to take pride in hard work. As a manager, encouraging your team to pause, reflect, and pinpoint the underlying reasons for taking things personally can be instrumental in helping them overcome this counterproductive mindset and create healthier work habits.

In this article, we’ll outline the common reasons, and eight tips and tricks you and your team can leverage to stop taking things personally at work.

Common reasons people take things personally

1. Lack of pride and confidence

For managers, you can ensure team members don’t take things too personally by nurturing confidence and pride in their work. When your employees are confident and proud of their contributions, they feel more secure in their roles and are less likely to perceive feedback or challenges as personal attacks. Encouraging them to cultivate a healthy sense of pride can not only boost their self-esteem but also enhance their growth and development.

2. Social perfectionism

Social perfectionists tend to hold themselves to unrealistically high standards, causing undue and unneeded stress. Taking on all this pressure can make your social perfectionist team members more prone to take any feedback or comments personally when they feel they've failed to meet those self-imposed expectations. As a manager of a perfectionist, you can help alleviate this by clearly setting healthy expectations on performance and providing constructive feedback.

3. Assertiveness matters

Team members who lack assertiveness might be more prone to feel hurt by comments or internalize feedback compared to their confident, assertive colleagues. Promoting a team culture where employees feel comfortable saying no or expressing their needs can increase self-confidence and foster a resilient and positive work environment.

4. Projecting doubts and insecurities

Some employees often take things personally because of their own insecurities, projecting doubts about their abilities onto others. This negative self-talk can be a mental block, leading them to believe that others are equally as critical. For example, if they feel inadequate because they’re the only one in the meeting without a manager title, they may be harder on themselves and expect the same from other people. It’s important to empower your employees to remember that they’re in the room because they deserve to be there and have something exceptional to offer.

8 ways to stop taking things personally in the workplace

1. Keep your emotions in check

If you have a tendency to take things personally at work, you know that doing so can be detrimental to your career. In the workplace, you’re constantly mingling with a myriad of personalities. You have deadlines to worry about, customers to please, and you may have a boss who’s always asking for more. It's normal to get emotional from time to time, but it’s extremely important to learn how to keep your emotions in check. To keep your emotions in control, remember to step back and reflect before you react. If something has gone awry, remain cordial and take the time to step back and respond when you feel more in tune with your best self.

2. Recognize blame as a reflection

It can be extremely easy to take being blamed personally. Not only have you been personally attacked, but you have also more than likely been blamed for or accused of doing something that isn’t your fault. Fortunately for you, blame is almost always caused unjustly by anger. The reason people usually blame others is because doing so is a quick escape from guilt and allows them to take the onus off themselves. It’s important to remember that blame is an easy and effortless tactic to use, which is why you shouldn’t take it too personally.

3. Cultivate confidence

Confidence is key, and you’ll come to realize that this will ring true in multiple areas of your career. If you remain confident in your abilities and what you have to offer, you’ll have no reason to take things personally. Imposter syndrome is real, but it’s important to remember that you’ve gotten to where you are because you’ve worked hard, and you deserve to be there. Trust in your abilities and understand that you’re exactly where you need to be.

On the Supermanagers podcast, CMO of Digital Ocean Carly Brantz, emphasized the significance of building confidence within a team, especially in areas that team members might find difficult or uncomfortable, and may take more personally.

4. Avoid assumptions

It's important to avoid making sweeping assumptions. Nine times out of ten, team members have taken something personally strictly because they have made a false assumption. The problem with assuming something is that you believe it to be true, and it may lead to conflict. No matter the reality of the situation, you may swear a given assumption is real, which makes it extremely difficult to move forward with a clear head.

5. Transform criticism into growth

Constructive feedback is more powerful than criticism, but some people may occasionally forget to shape their criticism in a way that is respectful and constructive. If you've received criticism, you can do one of two things: You can take it personally and let it hinder your success, or you can view it as a gift and use it as an opportunity to improve. As a manager, you can make sure to give helpful, constructive, and actionable feedback to your employees.

6. Stay productively busy

If you find yourself making assumptions, it may be because you have too much time on your hands. Failing to keep busy may lead to a wandering mind, which can ultimately lead to you taking things personally. If you keep busy, focus on your work, and remain confident, your mind will have less time to wonder.

7. Embrace self-confidence

Worrying what others think of you will wreak havoc on your mental health. Not only will you be dealing with the demands of your job, but you’ll also be putting many unrealistic expectations on your shoulders. If you remain confident in your performance and daily interactions, there’s no reason to worry about what others may think. It will also help you cultivate a healthy mental well-being.

8. Decode overreactions

Everyone has an off day from time to time. If someone has overreacted and their reaction has rubbed you the wrong way, it’s important to remember that their reaction may be a reflection of their own character as opposed to your own. Overreactions are almost always driven by something else, so it’s important to avoid taking someone else’s overreaction personally.

Mastering the art of emotional resilience

Learning not to take things personally boosts your mental health and professional success. With resilient self-confidence, you can thrive amid workplace challenges. To elevate your emotional resilience in your team at work, Fellow can help. Fellow empowers teams to work with more clarity with collaborative agendas, AI meeting transcription and summaries, and clear action items, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

With enhanced features for private notes, you can also leave reminders only you can see about how certain team members like to receive feedback or how you can encourage them. You can also use Fellow’s feedback software to promote a culture of feedback in the workplace, and encourage employees to become more comfortable with hearing comments from their counterparts. Try Fellow for free today!